Serving Christ and sharing the Gospel

Wisdom for friends (Prov 17:17, 18:24)

We live in a society where many find real friendship hard to come by. Many people have lots of superficial acquaintances at work, or at their sports or social clubs – and may have hundreds of ‘friends’ on facebook – but few really close friends.

A recent study found that 20% of people in the UK regularly feel lonely and a similar percentage say they lack a close friend to confide in. Millions of people are missing out on true and lasting friendship.

In our fast paced society, where people seem constantly busy, constantly on the move, it appears to be harder and harder to develop strong friendships. Statistics suggest it is increasingly difficult to find friends and grow good friendships.

This is a very sad state of affairs, because the Bible says God has made us to be sociable creatures. As we learnt last week, God is a God of relationships, a relationship between Father, Son and Spirit. And our relational God wants us to enjoy relationships too. Not just relationships with family, but also with friends. With people beyond our family limits whom we can share life’s joys and challenges together.

So this morning we shall be looking at what Proverbs has to say about friendship. We shall be listening to God’s wise advice on what to look for in a friend, and how we can be a good friend to others.

  1. What to look for in a friend

What then should we look for in a friend? Proverbs tells to choose our friends carefully, to seek the company of the wise, not the foolish. The good not the bad. The godly not the ungodly.

For example, Proverbs 13:20 says: “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” And Proverbs 24:1 says “Do not envy the wicked, and do not desire their company.”

So what are the specific qualities we should look for in a friend?

  • Firstly, we should look for faithful friends. For someone who will stay with us in the bad times as well as good. As we heard in our reading from Proverbs 17:17 a true “friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” And Proverbs 18 warned us that someone “who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin.” We need friends who will be there to support us when we are sad, lonely, in trouble or need. We need more than just ‘fair weather friends’.
  • Secondly, Proverbs says we should seek out a candid friend. We should befriend people who will tell us what we need to hear, not what we might want to here. As Proverbs 27 says “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” So we should seek out wise friends who will advise us – and when necessary, rebuke us – not just those who will flatter us. As Proverbs 27:6 says, verbal “wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” In short, we need friend who will always tell us the truth.
  • Thirdly, we need friends who care for us. Friends who care how we feel, friends who aren’t cruel, friends who will forgive us when we let them down. As Proverbs 10:12 reminds us: “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” 
  1. How to be a good friend

So we should be on the look out for friends who will care for us and forgive us. Faithful friends who will stick by us through thick and thin, and candid friends who will always tell us the truth.

Of course, to make good friends we need to BE a good friend ourselves. If we want people to invest in a relationship with us, we need to be willing to invest in them. My former vicar in Oxford, Vaughan Roberts, has written a little book called “Friendship”. Taking his cue from Proverbs, Vaughan gives us the following advice for being a good friend to others:

  • Firstly, we should be on the look out for people we could befriend. People who may have similar interests and values to us. Especially other Christians, who share our desire to love and serve the Lord Jesus.
  • Next, be open – be completely honest with people about your own weaknesses, struggles and temptations. If we open up to others, they will be more open with us. Tell them the truth, be trustworthy and candid, as we would want them to be with us.
  • Thirdly, be interested – really listen to what people have to say, take a genuine interest in how they are feeling, what they are doing. We should speak less and listen more.
  • Next, Vaughan says be committed – share time and money with people, show them you are committed to their friendship, and value their companionship.
  • Fifthly, be forgiving as well – we are all fallen creatures, we all make mistakes. Don’t break off a friendship the first time you are sinned against or take offence. Forgive others freely and they will be more forgiving towards us.

And finally, Vaughan advises us to be patient. Building a friendship takes time. We don’t need to rush our relationships. Rome wasn’t built in a day!

  1. Jesus – the best friend

I hope we’ve seen this morning that a good friend is someone who is faithful, someone who is candid, and someone who cares for us. Proverbs says that’s the type of friend we should look for. That’s the type of friend we should be to others.

But who should be our best friend for life? Our reading from Proverbs 18 this morning had a tantalising end didn’t it? Let me remind you what it said: “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

The New Testament tells us who that perfect friend is – the one who sticks closer than a brother. The answer is the Lord Jesus himself. If we are Christians we have a friend who fulfills all the qualities of the ideal companion:

  • He is totally faithful. He promises to be with us always (Matt:28:20). He is within us by his Holy Spirit wherever we go, whatever we are going through. He is always there, ready to listen as we pray.
  • He is also completely candid. His words to us are the way, the truth and the life. His totally trustworthy speech to us in Scripture challenges us, convicts us and comforts us, as circumstances require (2 Tim 3:16).
  • And finally, Christ’s care for us is beyond question. Jesus said himself that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends (Jn 15:13-15). And that’s exactly what Jesus did for us. While we were still sinners, Christ laid down his life for us at the Cross for our forgiveness (Rom 5:8).

Jesus is every Christian’s closest companion – Christ considers us his friends! He is totally faithful, completely candid, and his love for us has no limits. He is our ideal friend for life – and for eternity.